You never think it can happen to you. How life can change so fast from one breath to the other. One minute I am laying in bed at home enjoying my time with him and the next second he's gone. Our marriage was far from perfect. We fought so much. But I loved him. I just missed the old us.
My life now has turned upside down. Things I thought I knew, people I thought who cared...everything has just been a blur of chaotic emotions. So much anger and hate when we should just come together and grieve and reminisce.
Its been about two months now since he passed and while the pain is still very much there I can breathe easier. I have a wonderful support system and I'm trying to find myself or create a new me. I started writing again. I love poetry. I love touching someone's soul with what I write. I have been playing around with different makeup looks and changing my hair color and the way I cut it. I have been eating better and working on losing weight. It all keeps me busy. Busy is good. Busy keeps my mind off the pain.
I have some amazing friends. When I was married I never really got out. I stayed holed up in my room. Life was kinda sad. But I'm getting out again. I had my first girl day a couple of weeks ago. Can you believe its been 7 years since I just hung out with another girl. It felt great to just go to the movies, do some shopping and enjoy a nice meal with lively girly conversation. It felt fantastic. I can't wait to do it again.
But anyway there's more to come I'm sure. I look forward to embracing the new possibilities even though I'm scared. This Saturday I'm going to attend a poetry reading. My first one ever. I am so excited and so nervous. I might even participate. Hence the nervousness.
Till next time.
Hugs
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